Rapid Succession
by Pickled Rellish
Summary: Harry may have chosen life at the station, but it was just too much for him to handle. Watch his fall into insanity, his brittle hold on it finally broken, and think of a boy with a burden much too heavy for him to carry. ‘19 Years Later’ doesn’t exist.


**Author's Notes:** Clearly, Snape is alive. Moldywart's snake didn't kill him, just injured him lots and lots. Yes, Dumbles is dead. So are Remus and Tonks and (it pains me to write it) Fred. I don't know where this thing was born from, but I wanted to do a one-shot. And I hated '19 Years Later' and the Ginny/Harry ship – someone who's been through war cannot hope to be well-balanced enough to get married to some girl who idolised him before she even knew him and to sire children. Also, what Draco called his kid is unjust and cruel. Same goes for Hermione and Ron's kid – I mean, really. Hugo? No. Just no.

**Warning:** AU from the point where Snape is "killed". Some not nice images? Unbalanced!Harry. I've gone OTT with the mentalness? I don't care! Yay to mentalness! It's just a strange piece, born at 4am in the morning.

**Summary:** Harry may have chosen life at the station, but it was just too much for him to handle. Watch his fall into insanity, his brittle hold on it finally broken, and think of a boy with a burden much too heavy for him to carry. '19 Years Later' doesn't exist; DH compatible.

**Disclaimer:** Nope. Not mine. Imagine the possibilities if they were though!

* * *

**Rapid Succession**  
By Pickled Rellish

I'm not the same kid I was when I was younger  
I just thought you  
I just thought you should know

I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders  
For 20 years and look at me now  
And now  
And now

I'm finding a way to forget everything that I know  
I can't believe it's been a year  
Since I kissed my fears  
On their salty lips  
And said to them I love you all

_Senses Fail - Still Searching  
_

Harry doesn't understand what he's done wrong, he just doesn't get it. He's been a good boy, such a good boy; he's done all his homework and not had a detention all week. But people are frowning at him, and he just doesn't get why Hermione is crying and Ron looks green or why the world is upside down. Or maybe he is, but he's sure his feet are on the floor, and they're talking, talking, and he wants to talk back, to understand their words, but nothing is sinking in. He feels something dribbling down his chin and soon it's slipping down his throat, and down and down until it reaches his robes that are tattered and worn and just _so old_ like he feels.

Voldemort's dead, killed in the Battle of Hogwarts, the Horcruxes destroyed after months of camping and fretting and worrying. And they'd come back, to Hogwarts, after it was fixed and rebuilt, to finish their final year, with smiles and congratulations and well dones, you killed him. But there was so many who were there before but aren't now, but the names are mixed and Harry confuses people with those who have gone. He was sure Snape was dead, his throat slashed by Nagini and desperate memories handed over but how was he here, right now, looking at him as though he's a potion ingredient he finds to be fascinating. He's so close and so _real_, that he can even smell the wormwood on the man's robes.

He moves back a step as Snape advances and stops when Snape does. He's talking to him now, and Harry can't hear what he's saying, not over the rush of blood in his head, and **oh God**, why is this happening? What has he done now? He feels dizzy and sick, and he's tired because he can never sleep, always woken up by his own screams as he dreams about death and about the battle and how he could have done so much more to protect everyone. Fred, Remus, Tonks, Dobby, Hedwig – but didn't he just send a letter out with her, just the other day? And hadn't Dobby seen him in the kitchens, mere days before, and offered him platter after platter of food? But no. They'd buried him. He'd died, with a knife in his back, didn't he? Was that Dobby? Where had the knife come from and he was getting so confused, his head hurt, and he wasn't sure what was real anymore and, oh… oh please not here, he didn't know what was going on and Snape's mouth was moving and moving but he couldn't hear the words.

"Potter." How had he heard that over the rushing noise? Harry looks up and Snape was there, was _right in front of him_, and he would have screamed, he would have, but he couldn't. He tried, he _tried_, to open his mouth and there was such pain, ohGodohGodohGod he was going to be sick, and he couldn't; he **couldn't**. He touches his mouth, slowly, always slowly, and his fingers come back red, coated and slicked with blood and and and, what was that? Harry touches his mouth again, and he feels something but he doesn't know what it is, but it hurt and he wants it out, out, _**out**_ now. He makes a whimpering noise in the back of his throat and looks up with wide eyes at Snape, asking, begging, pleading for God only knows what.

"Calm down, you idiotic boy." He could hear, he could, and understood the words but not how to do them. He's breathing fast, and Ron and Hermione have left and he's alone with Snape, and this was not good, not good. What was going on? Snape killed Dumbledore, didn't he? Why was he here? Wait, Dumbledore was dead? Harry was sure he opened the school year, like always, last month, wearing garish yellow robes but he didn't know and God, he was going to cry and – too late, he could feel tears making snaky curves down his cheeks and no, he didn't understand what was going on? He tries to get his question across with his eyes, but he doesn't know if it worked, so he whimpers again and sniffles, and he must look so pathetic. Hadn't he seen Dumbledore at a train station? There was a baby, crying, and before, he'd seen his parents and Remus and Sirius – but, no, they were dead, right? Did Dumbledore see him off to Platform 9 3/4s?

"Potter, _breathe_." Yes, that's right, he could hear, and Snape was there, still in front of him and he could see McGonagall behind him, but she was crying, holding a tartan handkerchief, twisted in her fingers. Had it been a tartan robe Dumbledore had worn, when he opened the school? "What have you done?" Snape all but breathed on him, the words heavy and Harry whimpers again, as he tries to open his mouth, to tell him, I don't know I don't know but _pleasepleaseplease_ fix it. Everything's running rampant in his head –hadn't he been killed, by Voldemort, but then Draco's mum had been above him – she lied and then there was Neville, but what was he doing with Ron and Gryffindor's sword and then there was Kreacher over the summer, serving him with smiles and bows but that wasn't right, that wasn't Kreacher. Had he confused him with Dobby? Was Kreacher dead, with a knife in his back – but, no, why would he have dug him a grave and wrote 'a free elf'?

"-pital Wing, Severus, at once." Conversation cut through his confusion and he could hear a snarled reply, something scathing and had he not handed in his Potions homework? Is that why Snape was here and McGonagall was upset with him because he'd been trying so hard to be good and he'd ruined it? Wasn't Snape now the Headmaster though and hadn't he jumped out of the window and made off into the night with Dark Magic – no, he was the Potions Professor, Dumbledore was the Headmaster, or was it McGonagall? If McGonagall was, then who was the Head of Gryffindor?

"Potter." Fingers, long and stained, snap in front of his face, and he jerks, the back of his knees hitting a bed – but, what? How had he gotten here? He was doing homework in the Gryffindor Common Room and he'd turned around – wait, no, he had been in the boy's dorms, alone, trying to get some sleep, and then, he thought if he could keep his screams at bay then he could sleep. Right. Yes. Did he come to the Hospital Wing because he'd fallen out of bed and – "**Potter**. Focus on my voice." He tries to open his mouth to speak but _ohGod_, that wasn't a good idea. He's still crying, from pain and confusion and who knows what else, andwhatisgoingon? Harry whimpers again, large green eyes begging to be told what was going on and how did he get here and please, who died and who is alive and when's our Charms homework due in?

"His lips," the whisper is horrified and female sounding and Harry can't place the name to the voice. "Sweet Merlin, who did this?" His fingers, they're shaking and red – is that blood on his hands? He thought that was only metaphorical? – and they ghost over his lips and black black black eyes are watching him, carefully. Hagrid's eyes are kinder, warmer, expressive. He can feel the wire, thick and slick, and they zag across his lips and that's okay, if that's why he couldn't speak. Uncle Vernon hated being woke up by Hedwig and nightmares and if he could keep quiet, like a mouse, then maybe he could sleep and he wouldn't wake up to his own screams, with Ron besides his bed looking worried. Ron was at the Dursley's? Wasn't that when he was twelve and needed rescuing but maybe he does now, from the blood and taunts and the way he can still hear the baby crying and did Dumbledore not cradle it, rocking it to sleep?

Snape's hand is reaching out to him, and his fingers are coated with gloppy green. He takes a step back and he's sure he can hear his teeth grinding – but he doesn't take Potions anymore, he didn't get the right OWL score, if Snape still teaches it. Maybe he _is_ the Headmaster and Slughorn has taken over – didn't Slughorn give him top marks in last week's class? "For the love of – Potter, keep still. This is a Numbing Balm. You need it on your face. Keep still." And his hands, they're reaching out again, and they want to fix his mouth so he can scream and scream and scream so his throat is raw and _nonono_, he won't let him. The Death Eaters will torture him again and he can't take no more, please, oh please, God, no more. Harry scrambles back, away from the arm, his feet twisting and then he's falling and the side of his face hits the stone floor; there's a burst of white behind closed eyes and suddenly it's like his mouth is on fire.

He whimpers again and then there are hands all over him and he sees Professor McGonagall – but she'd just been riding on a transfigured desk, going into the battle, hadn't she? Is the battle over? Harry's confused and in pain and he just wants Dumbledore to offer him a Lemon Drop and a cup of tea but instead there's hands all over him, pinning him down and he struggles, with screams caught in his throat and tears drying on his cheeks. He feels it, it's warm and his face and he's still struggling because they _just don't understand_. He's fine, he remembers what he did, it's okay, he can stay at his relatives over the summer now and the next-door neighbours won't be able to hear him scream as he's hit with crucio after crucio. He can't feel his mouth now, but the hand's still smearing it on his face and he moves sharply, and a finger goes up his nose and another in his eye.

Someone starts coughing and he thinks he may have kicked Professor McGonagall in her throat but he didn't mean to, if they would only let him go – he had to go kill Voldemort. He only had an hour and he couldn't waste anymore time here. There's a sound, besides his left ear, of, "_Legilimens"_ and he's got Occlumency today? But he hasn't been clearing his mind and Dumbledore's telling him it's up to him if he lives or dies, it's his choice, but Aunt Petunia is telling him he's a worthless freak who should had died in the car crash with his parents – they were magical, why were they driving a car? And why was Snape wearing Neville's grandma's vulture hat again – was he in Defence with Remus, but hadn't he died and turned Sirius into a dog before the Boggart showed up? Oh, God, what's going on?

"His senses have left him." Harry hears this and they're asking him what he saw and he can't even open his mouth, it's too numb, but are they talking to him? Doesn't everyone want to talk to the Boy-Who-Lived? "The best place for him is at Mungo's with the Mind Healers. Maybe they can fix him." The voice, it's Snape's, deep and low, and it doesn't sound convincing and someone's crying in the background and, wait, does that mean Fred's dead – is that why they're crying? Fingers snap in front of his eyes again and he's on a bed, when did that happen – is he still in his dorm room trying to take a nap, even though he can hear the Exploding Snap game in the common room?

"Potter. You're confused. Try to calm down. You're going to be transferred to Mungo's and they'll take care of you." _Nonononono_, St. Mungos was a place for people like Neville's mum and dad and he didn't have any sweet wrappers to hand out and he doesn't want to see Lockhart or killer plants either. Harry's shaking his head back and forth, eyes desperate, his throat gargling sounds and Snape's eyes actually look sad for a moment before he whispers, "_Stupefy_."


End file.
